Upon a time and long ago
One Simple Simon got his kicks
By telling tales at county fairs
And doing pantomime and tricks

He traveled all across Old England
And played the harp for sires and squires,
He danced his jigs for common workmen
And did the mime for his admirers

He found it all quite entertaining,
The swift and hurly-burly life,
Until one day he spied a damsel,
Whom he would court to be his wife

He then collected his life’s savings
And he acquired an Oxford home,
Sold all his instruments and costumes
And he no longer yearned to roam

He left his bold, fresh rhymes behind him
And soon, due to infatuation,
Went off to work eight hours daily
Just like the general population

The day they married in a chapel
He had, in order to surprise her,
A new love poem for her published
Within the New Oxford Advisor.

Slowly but surely up and down
The nation many readers were astounded
And lavished praise and commendations
Upon this talent so well grounded

So Simple Simon started writing
More poems and songs of love and mirth.
His works were full of warm descriptions
Of his wife’s smile and precious worth.

So soon he quit his daily workings
And he became a traveling star,
At town halls and in small arenas
He’d sing while strumming his guitar

Even the Queen Elizabeth
Was much impressed with such a sight
And on July the 2nd 1600
This troubadour became a knight

In his old age Sir Simple Simon
Settled in Grantchester, his fief,
And looking back upon his good life,
He would sigh with great relief

So you can tell, my dear young reader,
That the moral of this tale
Is that a man shall always offer
The kindest words to a female

And although this may seem simple
It’s actually rather complex,
Even though all girls are members
Of the delightful other sex.